-Kimberly Curlin, Family Aging Advisor, The Senior Hub, August 2026

My husband and I were driving home from church one morning with our 18-year-old high school senior, when she asked, “Mom and Dad, what do you want when you die? How do you want to be buried? And where? What kind of funeral service?” 

A few months later my parents (80s) came over for dinner, and my healthy mom, beaming, announced, “I wrote my obituary! I had so much fun remembering things.”

More on the backstory of these conversations below, but I’ve noticed more public conversations about mortality, as Ben Sasse, recently diagnosed with terminal cancer, has courageously addressed our shared mortality with many audiences. I’m grateful for Ben’s public witness, but I wonder: Are we talking about our mortality at home?

Last spring the Jewish Association for Death Education hosted an event titled: "Sacred, Not Secret: Talking About Death Won’t Kill You.” Such a great tag line!

No, talking about aging and death won't kill you, but WHY does it matter anyway.

Here’s a sampler: 

• Talking about aging and end of life expands the conversation from financial and estate planning to include meaningful topics like, “What family gatherings are important to you?” and “How would you like to stay connected to your faith community as you age?”  

• Conversations open up space to express fears and concerns, thereby reducing them. 

• Talking about aging and death now reduces assumptions later, so you can support and honor your loved ones' wishes with more confidence. For example, “What would make you consider moving to a different living situation or a higher level of care?” 

• These conversations often welcome life review and legacy creation - important tasks for older adulthood, especially before someone gets sick. 

• Conversations uncover expectations around family caregiving and help siblings clarify how each can (and can’t) contribute when parents' needs increase.

• Back to financial and estate planning, when something unexpected happens, families often (stressfully) scramble to find documents and information instead of focusing on their loved one. Having things organized in advance gives everyone peace of mind. 

There’s more to the WHY, but returning to the backstories:  During Lent, our church held a sermon series called 'The Art of Dying,' a title inspired by Lydia Dugdale's book The Lost Art of Dying. The series helped to normalize these conversations, as shown by our daughter’s questions, which she asked right after one of the sermons. 

On another front, my dad was diagnosed with a chronic cancer in 2022. He immediately put his affairs in order, shared his preferences for his funeral, etc, and gathered his grandkids one afternoon for a thoughtful and concise power point legacy presentation. Dad then got back to living (and thankfully he’s still around, now four years later). My mom observed this, and she began recording memories on a digital platform. Last fall I started working at a new aging advisory and support service that helps families navigate the senior aging season with greater clarity and confidence. Conversations about my work prompted further steps - Mom’s obituary - case in point! 

Each family is different. Your story will be your own. But I am inviting you to lean into the conversations. Make them sacred, not secret. Make them part of an ongoing journey with opportunities for love, connection, growth  and understanding, even as aging progresses, health diminishes and death eventually comes to all of us.